I bought the angel last week when I went to Books-a-Million to buy “Accounting for Dummies.”

Don’t worry about why I bought a ‘for Dummies’ book. My daughter told me that she can’t believe I actually bought one of THOSE books.

Back to the angel.

I have road rage. I am better, but since I am a recovering road rager it doesn’t take much for it to raise its ugly head and cause me to slip over the edge into road rage abyss. Then I feel guilty because I slipped, but it was all that guys fault since he pulled out in front of me or that silly woman who didn’t check her blind spot and almost ran me off the road.

I always ask for forgiveness. For me and for them.

Anywho…

I had an epiphany. I will hang the little pretty angel on my rearview mirror and it will remind me of God whenever I feel a rage coming on. There were three angels: Faith, Love, Hope.

Well, I have Faith that I can overcome my road rage. I have Hope that I can overcome my road rage. How does Love apply?

That is when it hit me. I think it was God hitting me. He does that sometimes.

He said “Sonya, do you remember which were the two greatest commandments that Jesus spoke of in Matthew 22: 37-39?” Well, He didn’t quite say it like that to me, but you get the idea.

³⁷Jesus replied: ” ‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’^[a] 38This is the first and greatest commandment. 39And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’^[b] –Matthew 22:37-39

That sealed it. I needed Love for my fellow neighbor’s on the road. That is why I bought the Love Angel.

When people say that they heard from God or that God spoke to them, don’t think that they are crazy. God really speaks into our spirit if we open ourselves up to Him. God didn’t say, “Sonya, buyeth the Love Angel,” or “Sonya, I command thee to buyeth the Love angel.”

Actually, He hit me with it.

Thank You, Lord. The Love Angel has blessed me and I think of You every time I get in my car and see the Love Angel. It has helped my road rage.

Yes, Lord, I know it isn’t the Love Angel that is helping me. It is YOU!

What is new? What is up with me? What have I been doing? A little of this and a lot of that, which equals out to be a whole lot of stuff.

This morning as I was driving my wise 15-year-old to high school where he goes about his day as a sophomore, he asks me when I am going to take him to get his permit.

I said “NEVER! It isn’t going to happen. You might as well get used to me driving you everywhere you want to go FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE.”

I really didn’t say that. I was just screaming that in my head. I really said, “Soon.”

He responded in a way that most wise beyond their years 15 year olds usually respond to statements like that from their too stupid to know better parents. He said, “Well, fall break is in 2 weeks and I would really like to have some experience before I actually have to drive in Driver’s Ed. Everyone else has TONS of driving experience and most have experience BEFORE they get their permit. “

Let me translate this:  Fall break is in two weeks and I can’t embarrass myself in Driver’s Ed as being the only one that has NEVER driven before, so you really need to let me drive even if I don’t have a permit…besides, EVERYONE else does it.”

I am screaming in my head, “NO, NO, NO!”

How can I let my baby (he is my first-born, but still…) drive something so dangerous? Have you been on the road lately? People will run you over. They will run you off the road. Literally. I have had this happen to me several times.

Motor vehicles are of the devil! They are EVIL. They are full of people eating, talking, texting, and looking at Japanese flashcards (Friend, you know who you are and I couldn’t resist throwing that in there).

I know that I am supposed to put my faith in God that He will keep him safe, but the fear is still there. Let me be clear about something:  I fear for my oldest because of other drivers, but I fear for the other drivers almost as much.

When I look at my son I see so much.

I see the tiny little face that I seen for the first time after he was born.

I see the sweet baby that laughed and smiled all the time.

I see the little boy who was so excited to be a big brother.

I see the little boy who used to kiss his little sister.

I see the little boy who was so brave when he was getting his blood drawn to test for diabetes when he was three.

I see the little boy who begged me to just take him home when they were putting in an IV after the results came back that his blood glucose was 444.

I see the little boy who told me once “I can not tell a lie. I took the five dollars.” He was about 6 years old.

I see the little boy who asked “Are we going to the Resurrection Center?” instead of Recreation Center.

I see the little boy who has played countless baseball games.

I see the little boy who has infuriated me, delighted me, frustrated me, argued with me, joked around with me, laughed at me and with me. I see the little boy who is so much like me.

I see a little boy that I love so much that the thought of letting go causes my breath to catch. I don’t want to let go, but I know that I must. It is the way that it has to be. How do you let go after hanging on so tightly? I know that I have to trust God. I can hear God saying “I got this. Don’t worry.” 

I do trust God.

I trust that God will guide me through letting go.

But until then, HE IS NOT DRIVING WITHOUT A PERMIT.

Here is what I have discovered during my first week of walking/running:

1. My husband and I talk during this time to catch up on the day. It is difficult to attempt to run and have deep conversations with my husband at the same time.

2. Every dog in the neighborhood feels the need to alert everyone that we are outside walking/running down our street.

3. Dogs from the street over (in every direction, I think) answer the dogs on our street.

4. Kids suddenly lose interest in electronics and they beg to go walking/running with you.

5. Jacob can run a mile without stopping.

6. Emily wants to talk about ‘girl stuff’ when we are walking together.

7. My kids have the entire road (it is a dead end, so we have very little traffic) to do their thing, but no…they want to be right next to me, making it impossible to walk/run a straight line, while we are walking/running.

8. Sebastian is good for about 1/2 mile, then the whining sets in he gets tired. Nevermind, that he probably runs 20 miles a day with all his shenanigans.

9. My husband can walk/run 1/2 mile with a monkey 7-year-old Sebastian on his back. That is an extra 50 lbs.

10. After only a week, this is the only time in my life that I have exercised consistently. That is really sad.

The most profound thing that I have learned this week has been about me. I like the competition. I am competing against myself, but for myself. Each mile is different. Every time I go out to walk/run my mile, I think about how it was different than the previous walk/run and how it was different from the very first mile. How is it getting easier? How is it getting harder? No accomplishment is too small. Every mile is an accomplishment. It is the little stuff that will motivate me to keep it going.

Week One Total: 5 miles.

My goals for this week:  1) Keep it up by walking/running 5 miles;  2) Alternate walking and running more than last week;  3) Find 15 minutes on Wednesday to walk/run.

“Success isn’t how far you got, but the distance you traveled from where you started.”
 - Steve “Pre” Prefontaine

I had forgotten all about this until today. Memories are funny things. I have always wanted to be a runner, and I think that 1 mile was what put the thought in my mind. Life just happened and now I am older, with four children, and wouldn’t be able to run a mile if someone was behind me with a cattle prod.

Monday night, my in much better shape than I hubby and I went for a walk/run. It was something that was spur of the moment that I just out of the blue said, “Let’s go for a walk slash run.” I even surprised myself with that out of the blue comment. After I said it I had a moment of panic. It was 8:30pm. The neighbors would still be up. Did I really want them to see my poor pitiful attempt at trying to run? Did I want them to see all my jiggleness?

We set out and we walked for a while before we started alternating between walking and running. It sounded something like this, “let’s jog to that mailbox”, “let’s jog to that pole”, and “let’s jog to that driveway”. After about 30 minutes and four trips up and down our road (equaling 1 mile), we were done.

I was beat, but I felt good–accomplished.

My in much better shape than I hubby (MIMBSTIH) probably could have went another 2 miles.

Tuesday night, we set out again. This time we walked to the store and back (1.6 miles). Again, I was beat. MIMBSTIH took the dog out as soon as we went in and ran another ½ mile or so. But I’m not hatin’ or anything. He will keep me motivated and determined. Determined to out run him one day…

Today I won’t be able to walk/run (w/r) because it is church night. I have to say that I am already missing not being able to go out for my w/r today, but a day off will give my sore muscles a chance to recover. (By the way, my muscles are not as sore as I thought that they would be.)

I am going to register for a 5K (about 3.1 miles) so that I have something to work toward. I am considering the Woodstock 5K in Anniston, AL, because…I like the name.

I also like the ‘60s.

And peace signs.

And tie-dye.

And I would really like to be a vegetarian…until I get hungry. But my intentions are pure. I promise.

And I would really like to say that I experienced Woodstock…in Anniston, AL, since I wasn’t around in the ‘60s to experience THE Woodstock.

²³Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for men, 24since you know that you will receive an inheritance from the Lord as a reward. It is the Lord Christ you are serving.  Colossians 3:23-24

Well, let me be the first to say that when I think about my house, and all the chaos within, my first thought isn’t usually Colossians 3:23-24.

If you are anything like me, I wonder why the kids can’t take their dirty clothes to the laundry room, why they can’t put their dirty dishes in the dishwasher, hang up their jackets, close the shower curtain, pick up all their stuff, put their socks in the correct drawer, hang up their clothes instead of throwing them into the corner of the closet. I wonder how their socks end up under their beds. I wonder why they use a towel to dry off when they get out of the shower, but the floor in the bathroom has an inch of water on the floor. I wonder why they can’t close the bread. I wonder why they can’t put the milk back in the refrigerator and close the cereal box. I wonder why they don’t think to turn on the dryer when they put the wet clothes from the washer in it. I wonder why every light has to be on in the house when they are in their room with their door closed. I wonder why my husband has to empty his pockets on the kitchen table. I wonder why shoes have to be everywhere. I wonder why Lucy has to shed so much and how she has any hair left. I wonder how hard it is to use soap in the shower. I wonder why the toothpaste lid is never put back on the tube. I wonder why my kids have to talk to me about something really important everytime I go to the bathroom. I wonder…well, I think you get the picture.

I think the problem with housework is that it never stays the way you want it. It never stays clean. It never stays tidy. The laundry always piles up. You never get caught up. EVER. It is like you are repeating the same actions over and over again expecting different results. Sound familiar? It should, because that is the definition of insanity. You can literally drive yourself crazy trying to achieve the impossible.

I will never achieve a perfect and clean house. There will always be dirty dishes. There will always be dirty clothes. There will always be an open toothpaste tube. There will always be crumbs. There will always be clutter. There will always be spoiled food.

For a season anyway. Seasons change.

There will be one day that I won’t have all those dirty dishes. There will be one day that I won’t have all those dirty clothes. There will be one day that I won’t have to worry about crumbs, toothpaste tubes, clothes tossed in closets, shoes everywhere, clutter everywhere, or conversations in the bathroom.

Thank you, God.

I thank God for the mess I have. I thank God that He seen me fit and able to be the mother of four wonderful messy children. I thank God that I am able to provide food, clothes, and an abundance of stuff that clutters up my house. I thank God that I have a wonderful husband that may not be perfect, but he is perfect for me.

I thank God for all the blessings that He has given me that I have complained about so much.

My Pastor often tells how he used to pray for God to change his wife and every time he would pray for her change that it was himself that would change. He says that he would tell God that He was supposed to change her—not him.

Thank you, God–for changing me.

I discovered something important about myself when I read that book. I discovered that I don’t always allow the Holy Spirit to guide me when dealing with my children. Oh, I pray and ask God to guide me and to give me wisdom, along with grace and mercy. (I don’t ever pray for patience…God will definitely test your patience if you pray for it. Trust me, I know from experience. After the praying for patience experience that I had, a great friend told me to pray for grace and mercy instead of patience…never pray for patience unless you are really up for the test.)

Here is the scenario:  I come home from work. I am tired and I still have to cook supper, do laundry, check the kids homework, get the kids bathed and showered, and get them all in bed–before I can actually sit down for 2 minutes. Long enough to realize that I need to get in bed or I will never be able to get up the next morning and repeat all of this over again. In the midst of all this, I argue with my 14-year-old because he doesn’t understand why he has to clean the kitchen after being in school all day and at baseball practice all afternoon; my 12-year-old daughter decides that she wants to have a private conversation with me regarding anything from periods, boys, mean girls, or some other crisis that she is having at the moment; my 7-year-old is having a meltdown over who knows what; and my 1-year-old is being stubborn about going to bed because he wants to play. Sound familiar? I hope so. Surely, I am not the only one.

Anyway, my 14-year-old is a good kid. Really he is, but boy does he know how to push my buttons. You know, it isn’t hard for kids to figure out which buttons to push to get their way. Sadly, I often find myself arguing with him and then, before I know it the realization hits that I am being totally irrational and that I am the MOM and he is the KID. Then, I try to reverse course and tell him that. Of course, by now I have lost all credibility and might as well stop arguing, leave the room and the situation, and gain some perspective. Usually, that is how it ends. Nothing has been resolved, my kid still behaves like a spoiled brat. I feel worse after the argument and feel like a failure as a parent because I can’t make my 14-year-old respect me, my rules, and my authority as his parent. Then, my other children see this, pick up on it, and use it to their advantage, because if it works for one, then it will work for them too. See the cycle? Note that I left God out of this scenario.

I began to ponder about what God says about parenting. Being filled with the Holy Spirit means that I should respond in the Spirit rather than in the flesh, which is easier said than done sometimes. Upon doing some research and soul-searching, the following became clear to me:

1. God is very clear about discipline. There should be discipline. If there isn’t any discipline, and consistent discipline, then children run amok. I am sure that everyone has heard the ‘spare the rod, spoil the kid’ verse. It is more complicated than just the rod. Insert any discipline in place of rod and this is still true. Spare the time-out, spoil the kid; spare the grounding, spoil the kid; spare the taking away of the cell phone, spoil the kid. Do you see? It works for anything, not just a good old-fashioned spanking that isn’t exactly politically correct these days. Point is this: whatever your choice of discipline, it needs to be consistent and it has to happen, or else you will have a spoiled bratty kid on your hands. Plus, bratty kids tend to grow up to be bratty adults.

2. God wants me to share my wisdom and my personal experiences with my children, so that they may learn from my mistakes.

Deuteronomy 4:9-10 Only be careful, and watch yourselves closely so that you do not forget the things your eyes have seen or let them slip from your heart as long as you live. Teach them to your children and to their children after them. Remember the day you stood before the Lord your God at Horeb, when he said to me, “Assemble the people before me to hear my words so that they may learn to revere me as long as they live in the land and may teach them to their children.”

I know that as a parent this is difficult, because we don’t want our children to know we have made mistakes are not perfect. Let me assure you that they know that you are not perfect and they figured that out a long time ago. This is especially hard for me because it means that I have to forgive myself for all my mistakes, which is difficult to do sometimes. Guilt and shame will do more than make you feel horrible; guilt and shame are lies from the pit of hell and will only cripple you. Guilt and shame will keep you from witnessing and sharing your testimony because you think others will think bad of you and think that you are a hypocrite. And they might; however, Jesus has covered my sin with his blood and most of the time it is not forgiving myself that is holding me back from receiving God’s blessings and promises. I may not share everything with my children, but I can still pass along the knowledge and wisdom that I gained from my past mistakes and experiences.

 3. God wants you to share His Word with your children. 

Deuteronomy 6:6-9 These commandments that I give you today are to be upon your hearts. Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up. Tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them on your foreheads. 9Write them on the doorframes of your houses and on your gates.

I believe God wants us to share our experiences with our children and how these experiences align, or doesn’t align, with God’s Word. After all, isn’t witnessing a form of sharing experiences with people and demonstrating our blessings from God? Doesn’t it stand to reason that we should witness to our children? How can we witness to strangers, if we are unable to witness to our own children?

4. God does not want you to provoke your children. (Honestly, this is the one that I have the hardest time with, but this one leads to inconsistent discipline, and then lack of credibility and respect.)

Ephesians 6:4 Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord.

God showed me last night that it was time for me to use what I had learned. The argument I had with my 14-year-old wasn’t as bad as they have been in the past; however, I was left with the knowledge that I could not allow Jacob (my 14-year-old son) to feel that he was in control over our arguments. I have authority. I have maturity. I have experience. I am the MOM and I have God, Jesus, and the Holy Spirit guiding me if I allow Them to guide me. Better yet, I have to demonstrate to my children that they are the Kid, they have God, Jesus, and the Holy Spirit to guide them if they will allow Them to. 

Discipline, share, teach, and never provoke should be pretty simple, but let me tell you that it isn’t easy at all. Children are a blessing from God, but they have to be guided to God. How sad it must make God when we do not treat His blessings, our children, with the care and instruction that He gave us in the Word.

I am going to do my best to follow God’s Word and let the Spirit guide my tongue and my actions when dealing with my children. I am going to discipline them, share my experiences with them, teach them, and do my absolute best not provoke them. If they provoke me to anger (which kids are good at pushing those buttons), I have to call on Jesus to help me be strong and not react in the flesh by lashing out at them. I will be steadfast and resolute in my resolve to train them up in the way they should go, and hopefully they will not depart from it when they are older.

If I falter, I will repent and ask for guidance, and hopefully my children will remember what they should have figured out a long time ago–mama is not perfect.

UPDATE: I was thinking about my post last night and it hit me like a ton of bricks. I should be the kind of parent to my children that God our Heavenly Father is to me.

Wow…I have to play catch up a little. Everyone is doing great. We have had our share of RSV, sinus infections, and major mishaps this winter. We have had a little snow and quite a few snow days. I am still busy and spend a lot of time trying to plan and even more time not following the plan.

I am a list maker, but not so much of a list follower. I know this about myself, but I still continue to obsessively create lists.

Oh, I have not drank any soda at all since February 8, 2010. It isn’t really a resolution or anything. I just know that I drink too many.

My goal at first was to stop drinking soda for a month. It has become fairly easy. Of course, I do drink tea, but not excessively.

Now, how did I do it? Well, I thought back to when I used to smoke. To any of you out there (mostly family) that didn’t know I smoked at one time or knew that I did and allowed me to pretend that I didn’t, I am officially admitting that I did in fact smoke. I am not proud of it, but I am proud to say that I am a nonsmoker now. How did I quit? Well, with some help from a physician and a friend. Oh, and I can’t forget to mention God and prayer.

I had a friend that was an ex-smoker tell me that it was a decision to quit and that if you ever smoke just one cigarette then I could not say that I was a nonsmoker anymore. Once you back slide and smoke just one, claiming to be a nonsmoker kind of flies out of the window. You are a smoker–plain and simple. I do not want to ever be a smoker again, so with the help of a physician and quit day set I became a nonsmoker.

So, I decided to stop drinking soda for a month. I set the date and I did it. Simple actually. I still miss the feeling of soda sliding down my throat, but it is getting better. I also feel better and have less hypoglycemia since I stopped drinking soda.

Addictions can be anything. I have conquered an addiction to smoking several years ago and now I am on my way to conquering my soda addiction.

And it feels good.

We celebrated Sebastian’s 7th birthday Saturday evening.

We spent most of Saturday morning cleaning. I went to the grocery store when I decided that my house could not be any cleaner. I had asked Sebastian over a week ago what he wanted to have for his Birthday Dinner and he said that he wanted chili and hot dogs. I baked cupcakes, too.

Everyone started arriving around 3:30 pm. We ate, sang Happy Birthday, and then Sebastian opened presents. It really was a great time. I am thankful for everyone coming and sharing the afternoon with Sebastian.

After everyone had left, Sebastian said, “That was the best birthday party ever!”

That was the best “Thank You, Mom” that a mom could ever get.

My house is in complete and utter chaos right now.

Over the summer, my charts and schedules were put on the back burner. Now that school has started again, it was time to break out the charts and schedules and gain some order…in a hurry. 

Last week was a bust as far as my schedule and charts are concerned. Two sick kids will throw a kink in the plan every time.

This week has been great so far.

If you have a large family, need organizational help, or both; then, I recommend visiting Raising Five. I found this particularly useful. Maybe you will, too.

Sebastian really likes Beat it and Billie Jean.

We were going to a friends house Sunday and we were listening to the CD. Sebastian and Jacob were bickering a bit over which songs they wanted to hear. They wouldn’t say the title, just the track number because they both have their favorites memorized.

Josh and I were riding in the front and this was the convo from the back.

Jacob: Turn it to number 7.

Sebastian: No, I want to hear number 2.

Jacob: Well, it is my CD. I want to hear number 7. Mom, turn it to number 7 please.

Sebastian: Nooo! I want to hear number 2. Mom, turn it to number two.

Me: Let’s just let the CD play.

Sebastian: I am thirsty.

Jacob: But, I want to hear number 7.

Me: (Josh is pretending to be asleep, I think.) We will get something to drink soon.

Sebastian: I want to hear Dirty Dan.

Jacob: Dirty Dan?

Sebastian: Mom, can you turn it to Dirty Dan?

Me: (trying to suppress laughter) What number is Dirty Dan?

Sebastian: I don’t know.

Jacob: It is Dirty Diana, not Dirty Dan. (Nothing gets by that kid.)

Sebastian: Well, I call it Dirty Dan.

Jacob: Well, don’t call it Dirty Dan. Call it Dirty Diana.

Sebastian: I don’t want to. I say Dirty Dan.

Jacob: Dirty Dan doesn’t sound right, Sebastian.

Sebastian: Mom, I want to hear Dirty Dan.

Jacob: Sebastian, it is not Dirty Dan. Mom, tell him that it is not Dirty Dan.

Me: Sebastian, it is not Dirty Dan. It is Dirty Diana.

Sebastian: (As Dirty Diana begins to play…) Well, I say Dirty Dan. Mom, I am thirsty.

So, we basically go from arguing over which song to play, to discussing thirst issues, and then back around to playing a song that neither one of them were fighting to hear in the first place. Don’t you just love arguing riding in the car with kids?